Doubt Overruled by Grace

He said, "Come." So Peter got out of the boat, started walking on the water, and came toward Jesus. But when he noticed the strong wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, "Lord, save me!" Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught him, saying to him, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?" Matthew 14:29-31 (NRSV)




What is it about my faith that makes me identify so much with Peter before the resurrection? When I read about his experience with Jesus in walking upon the water, I think I know exactly how he felt. Here is how it goes in my life:

"Okay, Lord, you have shown me, over and over again, your miraculous power; more importantly you have shown me grace that is free to all who will receive it; even more importantly, you have loved me so much that you were willing to die for me, and you had the power to overcome death, both in your resurrection and in bringing me 'back to life' spiritually. So, why is believing in your next plan for me such a stretch of my faith?"

For Peter, it was walking on water and accepting that Christ was not to be their earthly, political king, and many other challenges to to his preconceived ideas. What is my stretch, what is my weak point in believing? I think it is in accepting His gifts as unending, and unpredictable, and uncontrollable, and not for me to dictate, but accepting life as it comes from Him. My stretch is to live life each day without worry, without the constant anxiety that can plague my life and that of so many believers (and non-believers). My leap of faith is to accept that my 'daily bread' is more than baked food, that it is His Holy Spirit in all its power residing in me, allowing Him to overrule my preconceived idea that He is frequently displeased with me, that His love is conditional and can be withheld if I "screw it up".

Like Peter, I step out "onto the water" looking Him in the eye, then I falter; my faith is weak, blown asunder by the first breeze of circumstances that do not go my way. I look around for something to hang onto because my momentary faith vaporizes; or I see something in the water that distracts me (a shark, oil?) and I forget who invited me out for a miracle. I panic, my fears become onerous; the toxic elements of anxiety ooze from my pores and create physical discomfort. And then, I get angry at myself for my lack of faith; my anger turns inward and becomes depression, and I submerge myself in a pool of self-pity.

Sounds pretty bad, doesn't it? But all the while, even in the worst of those moments, I have knowledge of His love; that is the unsinkable life preserver that I cling to day in and day out. My personality, your personality, may lead to all sorts of doubts and frustrating points of inconsistent faith. But He stands ready and waiting, not willing that we should perish, and always loving, not because of our behavior, not because of our success or failure, not because of our obedience or the lack thereof, but because He is love, and He loved us first.

Our salvation is complete; our temporary doubts do not change Him; the devil prowls to distract and discourage us, to have us view life as a performance to be graded and to expect a failing grade. That is not how the Jesus who predicted Peter's failure dealt with Peter; He knew he would panic on the water; He knew Peter would deny Him three times; He knew Peter better than Peter knew Peter, and He restored Him, lovingly, poetically, "Peter, do you love me? Feed my sheep," in a three-fold cadence of graceful instruction.

He will restore us, too. He knows where we will falter; He knows our weaknesses; He loved us before we were born and knew all this would happen; and His grace is constantly at work restoring our lives to the place that He planned for them all along. Take heart, He has overcome the world, just as He said, and the Creator of all we see is actively restoring you and me, recreating us in His image.

He is the great I AM. And He loves you and me. Glory be to God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, who was, and is, and is to come. Amen.