Learning from bucket spells

When I was a child I could get fairly wound up. I don't remember the particular episode, but my mother, who passed away 10 years ago, told me that once I cried so loud and so long that I passed out. It so happened that at that moment I was standing in front of the large steel milk pail used to collect the milk from our dairy cows. I fell head-long into the bucket....fortunately for me (and for any milk that might have been ruined) it was empty.

As a child, I learned this did not usually bode well for me. When I had "bucket spells" I didn't "lose priviliges"--I got a "bridle wreath" switch applied to my bare legs. While those of latter generations might view this as unacceptable corporal punishment, the net effect of that consequence was much more productive than being sent to my room. The whole purpose of consequences is to show the offender that his or her offense is something that leads to results that are unpleasant....and I definitely got the point from "The Switch".

Was it harmful....well, my legs are not permanently scarred; I don't think my psyche is either. My spirit may show signs of what happened, but those are the rites of maturity that I cherish. I hold my mother, who administered "The Switch" periodically, in the highest regard as a person of integrity and loving compassion. No, I don't think it was harmful; I think it was her compassion that led her to discipline me. She knew that short-term pain that prevented long-term suffering was a great trade-off. So, if I have scars, they are in my spirit, and I view them as badges of learning, as warnings about paths I do not wish to retrace. After all, Jesus has scars that are the evidence of His love, and the proof that our scars were not acquired in vain.

Nothing much has changed since the original "bucket spell" of my third year of life. I still have breathholding spells, if not in the physical, in the emotional and spiritual. When something or someone causes me to suffer in a way I deem unacceptable, my emotions "hold their breath", my spirit turns inward--I shut down, ususally for a few minutes, a few hours, occassionally for a day or two. The consequence is not administered by my mother; generally its not administered by any other human; God knows me and He uses these times to teach me patience, forgiveness, recovery, healing, repentance--he uses these times as a way to remold this lump of clay into a little bit of a different shape....I pray that the shape is ever more in His image.